ajhlovestheatre

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK – WHAT A WHOPPER!

Written by Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper

Songs by Jon Bradfield

Directed by Andrew Beckett

Charing Cross Theatre, London – until 11 January 2025

https://charingcrosstheatre.co.uk/theatre/jack-and-the-beanstalk

He’s Behind You!’s annual adult pantomimes created by Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper with a distinctly gay slant have achieved something approaching cult status and the team’s offering for this festive season continues that tradition of merry smut and surprisingly high production values. What sets this team’s work apart from that of other purveyors of festive entertainment with a very adult twist is their knowledge of, and respect for, the traditions of panto. Far from just being an endless parade of unbridled single entendres and jokes about anal sex (although there’s plenty of all that), Jack And The Beanstalk – What A Whopper! has, like it’s predecessors, rhyming sections, the obligatory “there’s a ghost behind you” gag, well crafted songs, plenty of opportunities for the audience to boo, hiss and call back. 

Best of all it features the return of Matthew Baldwin, one of the classiest if rudest Dames in the business, this time as retired soap star Dolly Trott, first seen looking like Bet Lynch on steroids with a towering blonde beehive wig, eking out her post-fame days in the rural Northern (Leeds is repeatedly referenced as the height of cosmopolitanism) village of Upper Bottom accompanied only by her power bottom son Jack (an appealing Keanu Adolphus Johnson), their cows Tess and Claudia (yes you read those names correctly), and an unwelcome infestation of cuddly looking beavers. 

Baldwin is just wonderful: screamingly funny yet intriguingly understated as Dolly treats her fellow villagers and the audience with a haughty disdain that gets funnier the more dismissive she becomes. The withering put-downs and catty asides land, and every outrageous outfit and accompanying wig is suitably garish: his Norma Desmond, complete with turban, is a particularly fabulous look. As ever, Baldwin would be worth seeing this for, even if everyone else wasn’t so good.

Regular co-star Chris Lane is equally engaging as a super-camp fairy afraid to use his powers and Jordan Stamatiadis is great value and clearly having a ball as Sloane Ranger-ish, dildo-obsessed Lady Fleshcreep who has manufactured the legend of the rampant giant so that she can buy up the villagers houses at knockdown prices. Laura Anna-Mead as a winningly gormless Simple Simone, Joe Grundy’s closeted local vicar and Laura Buhagiar as a hilariously stroppy harp all add to the general fun.

The first half is an absolute riot but the pace and story slacken a bit in act two after Jack has climbed to the giants kingdom up the glittery, phallic (well, of course it was always going to be) beanstalk in David Shields’s whimsical, brashly coloured set. There’s a vague sense of the writing team resting on their laurels, relying on the aplomb of the performers and the roaring approval of the up-for-it audiences to fill in the gaps, which does mostly compensate, to be fair. 

The sound design could also afford to be punched up a little (does Charing Cross Theatre have neighbours to worry about?!): while it’s great to see a show where the band doesn’t drown the vocals, it would be nice not to have to strain to hear the music. There’s still a lot to love in Andrew Beckett’s nimble production though, especially Robert Draper and Sandy Lloyd’s garish, imaginative costumes, and genuinely exciting lighting by Matthew Hockley.

Quibbles aside, this remains a cheerfully obscene antidote to the slew of family friendly spectacles that dominate festive stages at this time of year. It’s naughty but nice….and watch yourself around Dolly’s emotional support skunk: it squirts, and my programme was ruined.